I just pynch a tree in the face
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
