Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
