if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
