she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
