she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
