margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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