And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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