once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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