She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
