dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
