what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
