i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
