so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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