New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
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