i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
