Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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