Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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