Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
