everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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