wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
