she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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