Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
