no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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