I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
