True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
