she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
