And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
