he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
