he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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