she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
