oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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