who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
