we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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