just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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