six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
