I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
