You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
