fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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