FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
