Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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