Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
