I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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long story
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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