YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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