May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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