Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize