Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
