I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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