I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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