I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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