she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
