Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
