is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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