For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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