first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
