just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
