Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
