the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
