1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
found the other keg... it's in the tree
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
