everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
