At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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