It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
