Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
