Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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