Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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