Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize