it's not cheating when I paid for it
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
