Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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